One day you may say, “I found God, I know him, he is so and so, he is there and there, he is in me, in creation, in the eucharist …” That is a day of disaster for you because you will have found your God, your own projection, so pitiful and small. These gods – these idols – in turn keep us pitiful and small. We would fight for them … They can be terrible … Mystery does not require defenders. Idols do. Mystery makes us humble.–Anthony De Mello, SJ.
I came across this quote in my reading tonight and it took me back to something that I had written on Thursday on “Merton and Me.”
I’ve done a similar thing as an examination of conscience from time to time. When I start to feel defensive in some situation I try to work back and ask my heart what it feels it needs to defend. Like De Mello wisely says, it usually ends up being an idol, some kind of pride or vanity or security that I have disguised as faith or ministry. This way I sometimes find and examine my failure to live holy poverty.