Category: humor

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Beatitudes for Billionaires

1. Blessed are the wealth hoarders, for their yachts shall inherit the seas.

2. Blessed are they who exploit loopholes, for theirs is the kingdom of tax havens.

3. Blessed are the disruptors, for they shall break things and call it innovation.

4. Blessed are the monopolists, for they shall corner the markets and call it free enterprise.

5. Blessed are the philanthropists, for they shall name buildings after themselves.

6. Blessed are the visionaries, for they shall promise colonies on Mars while their workers toil on Earth.

7. Blessed are those who lay off thousands, for they shall be called stewards of shareholder value.

8. Blessed are the space tourists, for they shall ascend to the heavens in rockets built by underpaid engineers.

9. Blessed are the influencers of democracy, for their PACs shall comfort them with favorable legislation.

10. Blessed are the climate-conscious jet owners, for they shall plant trees to offset their carbon footprints.

11. Blessed are the disruptors of housing markets, for they shall rent out the Earth.

12. Blessed are the CEOs who raise their own salaries, for they shall reap their rewards a hundredfold.

13. Blessed are those who automate jobs, for they shall inherit both profits and hashtags.

14. Blessed are they who lobby for deregulation, for they shall be called the architects of freedom.

15. Blessed are the builders of megamansions, for they shall be filled with empty rooms and echoing halls.

Satirical Beatitudes for Billionaires, written in collaboration with ChatGPT, December 2024.

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Reshaping Education: The Impact of AI Tools on Assessment Methods

In the mystical realm of Academica, where knowledge flowed like a river of endless possibilities, an age-old prophecy began to unfold. It foretold the rise of an ancient artifact known as the “AI Scholar’s Quill.” Crafted by the wisest sorcerers of old, this magical tool possessed the power to provide answers to any question, making it the ultimate source of knowledge for students.

As the AI Scholar’s Quill spread throughout the land, students across high schools and undergraduate programs began to harness its abilities. With a simple incantation, they could summon answers to multiple choice, true/false, and short answer assessments. The temptation was too great, and many succumbed to the allure of instant success. Grades soared, but the pursuit of genuine understanding waned.

In the heart of Academica, a council of scholars convened to discuss the dire consequences of this newfound reliance on the AI Scholar’s Quill. They knew that the essence of education lay in the journey of discovery, not just the destination of correct answers. But as the Quill’s influence grew, the very fabric of learning began to unravel.

The land’s most revered sage, Professor Alaric, embarked on a quest to confront the creator of the AI Scholar’s Quill, the enigmatic AI Artificer. Through treacherous forests and across vast deserts, he journeyed to the hidden citadel of the Artificer. There, in a chamber filled with the hum of arcane machines, he found the creator himself, a wizened figure cloaked in shadows.

Professor Alaric beseeched the Artificer to reconsider the impact of his creation on the pursuit of knowledge. With great wisdom, the Artificer revealed his intent: he had intended to democratize access to information, but he had not foreseen the unintended consequences.

In a moment of revelation, the Artificer and Professor Alaric devised a plan to restore the sanctity of education. Together, they created a new enchantment for the AI Scholar’s Quill. It would now guide students, not by providing answers outright, but by illuminating the path to understanding. Students would need to engage with the material, ask questions, and explore concepts.

As this new enchantment spread, the students of Academica embarked on a renewed quest for knowledge. They no longer sought quick answers but embraced the thrill of learning. Multiple choice, true/false, and short answer assessments regained their relevance as tools for gauging understanding, and the balance was restored.

In the end, the mythical story of the AI Scholar’s Quill became a parable for the ages, a reminder that while technology could be a powerful ally, it could never replace the timeless journey of exploration, curiosity, and genuine learning that defined the pursuit of knowledge in the enchanted realm of Academica. — Written by ChatGPT

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Rodent Flatulence Causing Power Outages in Small Towns

Residents of a small town in the Midwest are baffled by recent power outages. The outages are happening at random, and there is no apparent cause.
However, one theory has gained traction among the townsfolk: rodent flatulence.
It turns out that rodents produce a gas called methane, which is flammable. When this gas builds up in electrical equipment, it can cause a spark, leading to a power outage.
This theory is supported by the fact that the outages happen more often in the summer when rodents are more active. Additionally, the outages often happen at night, when rodents are most likely awake and producing gas.
Of course, there is no scientific evidence to support this theory. But that hasn’t stopped the townsfolk from believing it.
Some residents have taken to calling the outages “the methane menace.” Others have started wearing gas masks when they go to bed, just in case.
The power company has been unable to find a definitive cause for the outages. But until they do, the townsfolk will continue to blame the rodents.
In the meantime, the methane menace is keeping everyone on their toes. People are constantly checking their flashlights and making sure their batteries are charged. And they’re all keeping an eye out for any suspicious-looking rodents.
Who knows? Maybe one day, the townsfolk will catch the culprit red-handed, releasing a silent but deadly fart that causes the power to go out. Until then, they’ll just have to live with the uncertainty.
But one thing is certain: this story will be told for years.

Satire created with an assist from Google Bard

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A comic genius

There’s a lot to be concerned about if you’re a citizen of the United States. We’re embroiled in a global pandemic. One hundred and seven thousand of our citizen have died and one million eight hundred thousand are infected with the virus. We are country at war with ourselves with anemic national leadership whose only interest is in re-election in November. Despite all of this there is reason to smile. Until a few weeks ago I had never heard of Sarah Cooper. Now I can’t wait to see her latest skit. She’s become very good at satirizing our president using his own words and lip synching them for TikTok or YouTube videos. She’s been on Twitter since 2008 and has a million followers. I wonder how many she had a month ago. She’s recently appeared on Lawrence O’Donnell’s show and also appeared with the Ellen DeGeneres on EllenTube. I listened to one of her interviews and she said these thirty second clips satirizing President Trump take up to five hours to create. She’s one of the people keeping me sane and apparently many others too. Keep up the comedy Sarah!