Category: Thomas Merton

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Merton’s Heart

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Merton’s Heart is a hillside clearing just across the Allegany River south of the campus of St. Bonaventure University. It’s always a reflection point for me. Tonight proved to be no exception when I arrived on campus. A quick look to my right and just past McGraw Field the beloved view of that hillside clearing named by Fr. Irenaeus Hirscher, OFM. Thanks to Fr. Irenaeus for supplying me and many others with a visible reminder of Thomas Merton. Merton’s Heart is always an invitation to prayer for me. Tonight was no exception.

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Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This quote from Jeremiah has been with me lately. It’s one that I keep meditating on. In a few hours I’ll graduate from St. Bonaventure University. What will I do with my new certifications and skills? Will I lead a school or school district? Will I continue to be a technology coordinator? What did the Holy Spirit have in mind when it influenced me to enroll at St. Bonaventure University a couple of years ago? The spirit will lead as it always does and I will do my best to follow it, listening with the ear of my heart.

It is quiet this morning as I sit here keying in these words that have come to me. It is raining again and whenever it rains I think of Thomas Merton. Rain is the best metaphor for the grace of God and the Holy Spirit that I can think of. I am surrounded then by God’s grace and enveloped in that loving spirit as I have been throughout my life.

I came up here from the monastery last night, sloshing through the cornfield, said Vespers, and put some oatmeal on the Coleman stove for supper. It boiled over while I was listening to the rain and toasting a piece of bread at the log fire. The night became very dark. The rain surrounded the whole cabin with its enormous virginal myth, a whole world of meaning, of secrecy, of silence, of rumor. Think of it: all that speech pouring down, selling nothing, judging nobody, drenching the thick mulch of dead leaves, soaking the trees, filling the gullies and crannies of the wood with water, washing out the places where men have stripped the hillside! What a thing it is to sit absolutely alone, in the forest, at night, cherished by this wonderful, unintelligible, perfectly innocent speech, the most comforting speech in the world, the talk that rain makes by itself all over the ridges, and the talk of the watercourses everywhere in the hollows!

Nobody started it, nobody is going to stop it. It will talk as long as it wants, this rain. As long as it talks I am going to listen. — Thomas Merton, “Rain and the Rhinoceros.”

So this morning I listen to the rain as it talks to me. I am glad to be here and glad that it is raining otherwise I might miss the voice of the Ruach.

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More Merton

Today, a calligrapher whom I commissioned to do some special work for me asked for the full quote, “Sit finis libri, non finis qaerendi.” She wanted to know where that came from and who wrote it for attribution. All of this invited to think of the whole quote and the one which continues to inspire and animate me as it did in the fall of 1978 when I first read it.

“But you shall taste the true solitude of My anguish and My poverty and I shall lead you into the high places of My joy and you shall die in Me and find all things in My mercy which has created you for this end, and brought you from Prades to Bermuda to St. Antonin to Oakham to London to Cambridge to Rome to New York to Columbia to Corpus Christi and St Bonaventure to the Cistercian abbey of the poor men who labor in Gethsemani: that you may become the brother of God and learn to know the Christ of the burnt men. Sit finis libri, non finis qaerendi.” — Thomas Merton in “The Seven Storey Mountain.”

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Summer thoughts

Today started out rainy and I even made it all the way up to Mt. Irenaeus only to turn around and drive back down the hill.  I wasn’t ready for everyone. I have days like that. Instead I opted for a nap in Cuba, New York and then a drive to St. Bonaventure University where I eventually wound up sitting in the University Chapel enjoying a quiet time.  I learned from my boss that I’m an INFJ and this was one of those introvert moments or maybe days when I needed more introspection than that provided by attendance at the Eucharist.  I’ve been very busy this summer volunteering as a summer school principal intern in partial fulfillment of coursework I am completing at St. Bonaventure University.  On Wednesday of this week I’m scheduled to give a talk modeled after TED to a group of educators at a local teacher’s conference too. I’m a bit hyped by that too. The theme is, “What the world needs now.” I have some ideas but a life of perfection can be daunting as I’m sure you know.  One of the quotes that will form the basis of my talk comes from Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī, “sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”

It seems appropriate to these days of bewilderment and systemic change. Deepak Chopra has written about the creative impulse and how it is invited by the presence of uncertainty. I know that both Rumi and Chopra are right because I’ve witnessed it myself. Creativity is the fruit of uncertainty and these are uncertain times.  Just last night we found ourselves a couple of miles away from the path of a tornado. I don’t mind telling you that it was frightening. There is a metaphor in the violent storm we witnessed and the events in the world around us and my visit to the Chapel at St. Bonaventure University. I’ve come here before and sat in the quiet of this lovely spot.

Once again I think of the words of Thomas Merton about the road ahead.

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following
your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Amen.

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A call from Him who has no voice

This came today from the Merton Institute and I really liked it. It’s my experience with contemplative life.

Contemplation is also the response to a call: a call from Him Who has no voice, and yet Who speaks in everything that is, and Who, most of all, speaks in the depths of our own being: for we ourselves are words of His. But we are words that are meant to respond to Him, to answer to Him, to echo Him, and even in some way to contain Him and signify Him. Contemplation is this echo.

Thomas Merton. New Seeds of Contemplation. (New York: New Directions Books 1961) P 3

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New theme

Theme change for the first time since I began blogging on WordPress a few years ago. I liked my old theme, but was ready for something different.  This has been a year of change and I’ve experimented with my life a bit. I followed my heart back to St. Bonaventure University even when the lure of doctoral program at another school beckoned. I would like to get a doctorate at some point and maybe my trip to Bonaventure will eventually produce that. I just love research and finding out new information and applying it. After I overcame my initial worries about keeping up with my classmates in a subject area I had not officially explored.

This spring I’m going to be involved in an internship in special education. It’s an area I know very little about, but its quite fascinating. This fall I took school law and leadership. Initially I liked the leadership course quite a bit more than the law course, but my love of research took me deeper into the law. I discovered that I had a trivial pursuit understanding of such important cases as Brown v. Board of Education.   Going back to school at 56 was also a concern. I was self-conscious about being the old guy in the class. That was quickly allayed by one of my classmates who wrote such a touching response to one of my initial answers that it brought me to tears. Those tears were a blessing and a benediction which provided the acceptance within my own heart that I was doing the right thing.

I also purchased a MacBook Pro because I wanted to be a bit more mainstream. I was afraid that using Ubuntu and Open Office would be frowned upon at the University. I was wrong about that. All of my writing was actually done in Google Docs and OpenOffice.  I learned that I could use open source tools in higher education with no penalty. Bonaventure is a Microsoft oriented school, but many students had a Mac like me and professors are really only concerned if work is done.  Our course was delivered in a hybrid format which featured Moodle, yet another open source application.  My experience has left me looking forward to the spring semester with great anticipation and the knowledge that I can contribute. I feel younger too and energized.

I often found myself on campus working at Friedsam Library. Entering and leaving the library I was greeted by a display of my old friend Thomas Merton. In fact Merton is everywhere in my life, my trips to Mt. Irenaeus, University ministries, walking across campus and looking up at “Merton’s Heart.”  There’s a new theme in my life and it’s really an old theme that’s been restated.

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Grateful

Last night I was walking back to my car from Friedsam Library at St. Bonaventure University and I as I looked into the night I could barely make out the familiar lines of Merton’s Heart. It’s a clearing on the mountainside just south of the campus of St. Bonaventure University. As I looked up and thought of Merton, my life and St. Bonaventure University I was filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that my life has taken this new turn. Just four months ago I had contemplated retirement and now I’m very much in the thick of academic rigor again. I’m learning a great deal and I’m enjoying the discourse, much of it “online” in our Moodle format for the course in Educational Leadership and School Law.

In retrospect I wish I’d have done this earlier, but where and how that would have been possible I really don’t know. Just Saturday night at the Mt. Irenaeus 25 year celebration I had dinner with Sr. Eleanor and she related how she returned to graduate school at 57. At every turn I’m greeted by people who encourage me. I like my classes to at Franklinville Central School. I’ve been blessed with great students who challenge me at every turn and force me to learn software and programming that I wouldn’t otherwise.

Last night as I walked up the steps and into Friedsam Library at St. Bonaventure I thought again of Tom Merton and how I’m following his footsteps once again. It’s almost mid-night here at home and I’m just finishing my homework seated next to our pellet stove which radiates a good bit of heat. Deo Gratias!

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Chilly

Tonight is feeling a bit more like fall. It’s down in the high forties. It’s almost midnight as I sit here blogging about my day. Although it’s a bit cool, I’m at peace in this hermitage I enjoy in our home. There is nothing like silence and solitude and I experience much of that each day. I enjoy my time at work and socializing with many friends, but I enjoy my time alone. Though I have a 26″ LCD monitor I cannot remember the last time I used it. It’s been at least a month. What began as a Lenten activity almost ten years ago has become a way of life. A life that includes less and less of what is commonly called the news. A life that includes less and less of what might be called entertainment. When I do watch television, it is only for a brief period and usually without sound. Sporting events without commentary are almost like going to games at the stadium. I do enjoy reading Huffington a bit on the internet, but even my consumption of Huffington is way down. I find all the bickering debilitating and the less I have of it in my life, the happier I am.

This fall I’m in graduate school at St. Bonaventure University, teaching a couple of classes in our school system, working as the technology director and working at my small business. I even found time to exercise on the elliptical a couple of times this week. Soon I’ll be sleeping and then another day will present itself. Actually the new day has begun already and I’m almost ready to sleep. I love the quiet and stillness here on the edge of the woods.

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Growth

Summer is a time of growth and my summer has certainly been that this year for me.  This spring or at least early June didn’t start out that way. I thought it was the end and that I’d be leaving and going elsewhere to begin a retirement and whatever that may have held. I even had a verse picked out which I liked and it was from the Second chapter of Paul’s letter to Timothy.

the time of my departure is at hand. I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith

This summer I discovered that there were other plans in store for me and one of them was to get a much needed break, a respite from my work of the past ten years. I spent much of the early part of this summer actually sleeping in and enjoying getting up at 7 or 8 and having a fresh cup of brewed Starbucks. A post card from St. Bonaventure University, a thought from my higher power, encouragement from friends and family and I’m back in the fray but with a slightly different direction.

This morning it’s a bit chilly. I think it’s 45 F outside. It feels like autumn, but it’s not autumn in my life any more. My life has a sense of spring in it, a sense of redemption and metanoia. I’ve thought often of Thomas Merton’s prayer, “My Lord God I have no idea where I am going, I do not see the road ahead of me, ..”. I’m not sure where it will end but I know that the power that animates and directs me is moving me forward. My friend David offered a word of encouragement yesterday as we met in the school parking lot. All around me people have encouraged my re-directed path. Yesterday, I thought a lot of my Dad and how much I missed him. Dad’s been gone 36 years, but yesterday his spirit was with me. This summer has been a pivotal time in my life, a new direction has been taken and I’m not really the author of it, I’m just responding to the direction and sometimes with a bit of hesitancy but I’m moving forward.

If anything this spring and summer I’ve had a sense of Psalm 23. Time after time I’ve been led beside still waters and each time I remember the verse, “He leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul.” My soul has been restored and I’m moving forward. Thank you to all who have prayed for me as it must be your prayers and thoughts that have sparked this transformation. I am not the author of these changes. I am reminded of another favorite prayer and one that hangs near the coat rack at Mt. Irenaeus.

It is not you that shapes God
it is God that shapes you.
If you are the work of God
await the hand of the artist
who does all things in due season.
Offer Him your heart,
soft and tractable,
and keep the form
in which the artist has fashioned you.
Let your clay be moist,
lest you grow hard
and lose the imprint of his fingers.

– St. Irenaeus

I have not lost the imprint of his fingers.

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Victory is certain

This letter that came from the Merton Institute is timely today. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense of despair and lately it has been tugging at my shoulder from time to time.  This letter Czeslaw Milosz though fifty years ago rings true for me today.

[Letter to Czeslaw Milosz, Feb, 1959] Milosz, life is on our side. The silence and the Cross are forces that cannot be defeated. In silence and suffering, in the heartbreaking effort to be honest in the midst of dishonesty (most of all our own dishonesty), in all these is victory. It is Christ in us who drives us through darkness to a light of which we have no conception and which can only be found by passing through apparent despair. Everything has to be tested. All relationships must be tried. All loyalties have to pass through fire. Much has to be lost. Much in us has to be killed, even much that is best in us. But Victory is certain.

Thomas Merton. The Courage for Truth: Letters to Writers, Christine M. Bochen, editor (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1993): 57-58.