Tag: contemplative

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Welcome Fiona

A couple of years ago while I was visiting Assisi the leader of our pilgrimage invited us to pray a special prayer request in the Basillica of St. Clare in front of the cross of San Damiano. This is the same cross at Saint Francis was praying in front of when he heard the voice of Jesus asking him to rebuild the church.

On that morning in May 2018 I asked for a child for our son and our daughter in law. A month later I learned that they were expecting. We waited anxiously for the arrival of our third grandson. Those hopes were dashed in December 2018 when Theo Joseph died in utero. Everyone was devastated and I thought my prayer had been in vain.

In January of this year we learned that they were once again expecting a child. We learned at this time it would be a little girl.We prayed every day and sometimes twice a day. we waited in anxious anticipation.

This morning at 5:47 AM on the Feast of Saint Clare of Assisi, Fiona Katherine Watkins was born. She’s a healthy and beautiful baby. Is that a coincidence or an answer to prayer? I choose to believe the latter. Deo Gratias!

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All the statues are white

I’m at St. Mary Parish in Arcade, NY for Eucharistic Adoration and I’m facing a statue of St. Joseph. I’ve come here many times but today I’m struck by the flesh tones of the statue. I grew up in this parish. I served Mass here on this altar many times and I never really appreciated that all the depictions of the of the stained glass, statues, paintings and even the crucifix are of a white person. I’m currently enrolled in a class at Houghton College. It’s “Racism and American Protestant Christianity.” One of my classmates shared on our class Moodle site that they had grown up in a segregated community and attended segregated schools. That’s when the scales fell from my eyes. I too grew up in such a community. We weren’t segregated by law but by the fact we had no non-whites in our church or our school. Our church was for white people and we didn’t even know it. We worshipped a white God. Did I ever think of God as anything other than white. No of course not. How could I?

St. Joseph the White Carpenter
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Home Again

This afternoon I returned to Mount Irenaeus for the first time in over three months. It’s been the longest absence in the past twenty plus years of my life. It was Sunday March 8, 2020 when I last walked the grounds here. That Sunday was the first time that we didn’t share a hug at the sign of peace and when we began social distancing. How quickly the pandemic progressed as quickly moved into shelter in place and then life as we knew it began to recede. Today fully three months later I was able to return to one of my favorite haunts as a I walked the Mountain Road.

Three months ago the ground was covered with snow. Today the snow is gone and I was surrounded by green grass and a forest canopy of leaves. There was a quickness in my step as I moved along the trail praying the Franciscan Crown Rosary that I had begun this morning at home in Franklinville. A deer darted out of the woods to my right as I walked this familiar trail that took me eventually to a clearing and the hermitage of La Posada.

Much has changed in three months besides the beautiful flora. We’ve lost over one hundred sixteen thousand of our fellow citizens to the ravages of Covid-19. I’ve emerged from an episode of depression in the early days of the pandemic. There was a time I had given up hope. Despair tugged at me. From early March until now there is one constant and that is the daily recitation of the Franciscan Crown Rosary. The daily rhythm of this mantric prayer sustained me and kept just enough hope in me to press on. There were times when I doubted it was doing any good and questioned my recitation. Along the way I’ve come to believe that there is power in recitation of the prayers and an effect on my world and the world around me that I’m frequently unable to fathom.

Today while I walked along this trail in the woods I thought of the words of Thomas Merton. “My Lord God I do not see the road ahead.” Along the road there has been the deadly pestilence that has not come near me. Globally there have been the ugly horror of racism and and a reaction to it that seems to be bringing change. Just yesterday the United States Supreme Court ruled that LGBTQ Americans can not be discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation. That’s a huge win for many folks. In the midst of this pandemic there has been light and hope. For that I’m grateful.

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America’s Original Sin

I’ve been reading James Cone’s, The Cross and the Lynching Tree.” It’s a powerful book and one that everyone in the United States ought to read. I thought I knew how much black folks had suffered but I really had a very shallow understanding of the depth and the length of their oppression. I’m not really late to the game. I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s and as I’ve written previously my father was deeply prejudiced and that colored my view of the world. However I was a fan of Dr. Martin Luther King and I followed his work with interest.

One of the stories in this book that was left out of my worldview then was the story of a young boy who was murdered when I was not quite three years old. The story and my ignorance of it are clear examples of white privilege. I never heard anything of Emmett Till in my schooling.

Because he had whistled at a white woman and reportedly said “bye baby” as he departed from a store on August 24, 1955, Emmett Till was picked up four days later around 2: 00 a.m., beaten beyond recognition, shot in the head, and thrown in the Tallahatchie River, “weighted down with a heavy gin fan.”[ 2]”

— The Cross and the Lynching Tree by James H. Cone
https://a.co/4RKEi4d

Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of this book. It’s well written and extremely well documented.

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We are deeply flawed

We are deeply flawed and broken. Our racism and bigotry are on full display for the world to see. White folks who don’t want to wear masks storm state capitols with assault rifles and other paraphernalia. Yesterday police in riot gear answer a protest by black Americans angry over the brutal murder of a black man stopped for a traffic infraction.

Is there a path to redemption? I’m not sure. We’ve allowed the cancer of racism and xenophobia to brood and fester for too long. We even have national leaders who promote it. We are not true to our founding documents but then we never were. Pundits and preachers say we’re a Christian nation while turning a blind eye to systemic racism.

The sin of the white man is to be expiated, through a genuine response to the redemptive love of the Negro for him. The Negro is ready to suffer, if necessary to die, if this will make the white man understand his sin, repent of it, and atone for it.

Thomas Merton
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Mary in Heaven

This beautiful chapel was my favorite place at the Franciscan Sanctuary of La Verna. The beautiful statue of the blessed mother really captured my attention and imagination. The building was the Chapel of Santa Maria degli Angeli (Mary in Heaven), built in 1216 by St. Francis himself.

Since the lockdown began I’ve been prayer walking daily. As I walk I pray and each day those prayers include the rosary. I prefer the Franciscan Crown Rosary. The last decade of the Franciscan Crown is the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary. There’s always been something about Mary because I was born on a Marian feast day. My favorite hymn is Ave Maria. Ave Maria Gratia Plena Dominus Tecum. Protect us this day.

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A day of prayer for Covid-19

We adore you, Lord Jesus Christ, here, and in all your churches throughout the world, and we bless you, for by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

St. Francis of Assisi

Two years ago I was in Assisi with a group of United States Veterans as part of a Franciscan pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi. That morning the friar leading our pilgrimage celebrated Mass at the Portiuncola. It was a peak experience for me and other members of our group. Now, two years later as we are reeling from the effects of this global pandemic those days come into sharper focus. Pope Francis has designated the entire month of May as a time of prayer for relief from Covid-19. Fr. Kevin Mullen, OFM who is the provincial of Holy Name of Jesus Province of the Order of Friars Minor has designated today as a special day of prayer.

Therefore I’m joining Franciscans and others in a special day of prayer. The crucifix below is a San Damiano Cross I received on the pilgrimage.

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Living in the present moment

I was listening to a Super Soul podcast with Oprah Winfrey interviewing Eckhert Tolle and as they were talking about the present moment I had a helpful insight. In the midst of all this stress and daily projection and worry I haven’t been living in the present moment. Sometimes words are just words until they come to have meaning in my life. Today was one of those days when the present moment became more than two words. A chap once said to me, “if you were to ask God what time it is what do you think he would say.” I said, “I don’t know.” My friend said, “he’d say it was now.” Many years later the thought of the conversation returned and I came to appreciate the power of now.

The past and future are imaginary. The only thing that matters is now. All we have is now. Right now I’m okay. Earlier today I had a chance to visit one of my favorite quiet spots in nearby Ellicottville. I visited Nannen Arboretum. It’s a very contemplative setting. It was a beautiful day.

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Expressing doubt is normal and healthy

Today I posted a picture of my rosary on Instagram and posed a rhetorical question about the effectiveness of that ancient prayer. The only way I learn is by experience and asking questions. That led one of my followers to respond that my family was healthy which indeed they are. I’m grateful for that. This month Pope Francis has asked us to pray the rosary everyday and pray that Mary intercede for us with the pandemic. I’m inclined to be a skeptic of rote prayers and particularly the rosary but I’ve been praying the rosary everyday since early March. It’s been part of a larger effort to seek and do God’s will. I usually recite the rosary when I’m walking. It’s a walking meditation for me but being a curious guy I wonder does it really accomplish anything. I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Mary. After all I was born on a Marian feast and blue is my favorite color. I believe that doubt is integral to faith. They’re two sides of the same coin.


As Jesus was dying on the cross he is supposed to have said, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me.” If the son of God can express doubt then isn’t that a sign of spiritual health. I hope so. Is everything so certain in your walk of faith that you don’t question the effectiveness of your prayer life? My life has been a series of conversion experiences. Dark nights and soul searching followed by metanoia.

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Morning thoughts

St. Peter’s in Rome Italy

A year ago when I snapped this picture I felt the presence of a loving force for good in my life. One year later after almost two months of quarantine and thousands of deaths I’ve begun to question that presence and the effectiveness of prayer. Daily the death toll increases and our ability to shield ourselves from its destructiveness is very limited. Some of our leaders like Governor Cuomo seem very qualified and caring but our national leadership is grossly incompetent and riddled with cronyism.

Where is God? I told a friend yesterday that I had increasing doubts of the existence of God. Where was God at Auschwitz? Twelve million people were slaughtered by the Nazis and God didn’t stop that. I do believe in good. Doing good helps me to move forward. Doing good helps others too. Is God in the good we do for each other? Maybe. Governor Cuomo is doing good. The frontline first responders are doing good. The essential workers are doing good. What motivates some to do good and others to do nothing or work against the good.