Tag: family

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Dad

A few days ago I stood above his grave and looked down at the Veterans Administration plaque that marks the spot where’s he’s lain for the past thirty-six years. He missed a lot of life by dying at 46. Dad is my namesake and there are many things about us that are similar. I bear his name and some say his looks. Looking like your father is not a stretch. He was an intense individual who like me wore his heart on his sleeve. I remember the last time I saw him and the last time I hugged him. We were standing in the terminal in Arcata, CA. It was late February 1973 and I was preparing to be assigned a permanent duty station by the US Navy. There had been a rift, some resentments between us and I almost wasn’t going to come to California where he and Mom were living at the time. I’m glad I did go. I’m glad that I flew to see him one last time. As we stood in the terminal my flight taxied into view and the attendant came to the door to beckon us to board this Hughes Air turbo-prop that was waiting. There was a lump in my throat and I’m sure there was one in his. I was trying to be brave like most 20 year old kids do. He put his arm around and gave me a big hug and told me that he was crying. I was crying too. Neither of us said, “I love you,” but it was there as big as life itself. I turned and walked to the plane and watched from window as he and Mom stood there and waited for the plane to taxi.

Thirty-six years ago tonight our Executive Officer came to the newborn nursery where I was working the afternoon shift. He asked me to come to his office. When he sat me down, he told me that Dad had died that afternoon in California. He told me he was sorry and that I could be relieved of my duty that night if I wanted to. I elected to stay and work. He told me to go to the personnel office in the morning and they would have emergency leave papers ready for me and a car would take me to the Albany, GA metropolitan airport where I would begin my journey home. I remember the kindness of my shipmates and how one guy, a dental technician, Bill Kirkland offered his Datsun 240Z to make the drive home. I’ve never forgotten that.

A year never goes by that I don’t remember Dad on this day. This morning a smile crossed my face as I though of one of his humorous metaphors which I occasionally share with friends and colleagues. He was a treasure trove of metaphors and similes. I’ve inherited some of those expressions from him. Time has healed the grief although there are times like this morning when I wish I had one more hour or one more day just to catch up. I see him in both our son and daughter. I see him in my brother and sister. I see him in my uncle, his brother, who will soon be ninety-two. I remember him often and as long as I live he will continue to live within me.

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Watching the Obama Train

Lots of thoughts today. I got up this morning to bone chilling cold. Our home is warm, but it was -9 degrees fahrenheit outside. I thank God that we have heat and a well insulated home. Our daughter is home this weekend. She and I headed to the gym earlier for a good workout. I got in 40 minutes on the eliptical machine and Dara varied her workout among eliptical, weights and a stationary bicycle.

As we headed to the gym I let Dara know that 34 years ago I put on my dress blues and headed to work at the Naval Hospital in New London, Connecticut and reported to the officer of the day who signed my orders to leave. That was my last day of active duty. I was happy to be going home. Now, all this time later I’d like one more day with or at least a few hours with those men and women with whom I served. I’d like to say thank you again and catch up a bit. The perspective at 56 years of age is different than it was at 22.

I’ve been relaxing on the couch next to our pellet stove most of the rest of the day. I had some rice krispies with milk and honey which is my favorite breakfast.  I’ve been watching C-Span, CNN and MSNBC most of the day to see President-elect Obama, Vice-President-elect Joe Biden and their wives touch the lives of millions of Americans with their train ride from Philadelphia to Washington, DC.  There is quite a contrast from four and even eight years ago.  Obama isn’t God and he’s got his work cut out for him but people everywhere along that route and in much of our country and around the world are excited too. I’ve been thinking about my nephew Tom who is a sailor serving in the United States Navy Ceremonial Guard in DC. Tom’s going to be marching with our new president on Pennsylvania Avenue on Tuesday. I wish I could be there. I’m so proud of Tom and wish I could be there in person to see him. Many times today I’ve been moved to tears as I watched the President-elect’s train and listened to he and other speak along the way.

My brother Brian and his friend Lillian will be in Washington for the inaugural too.  Lillian stood on the mall with Dr. King in 1963 as a teenager. How special for her to return now to see a member of her race inaugurated. I’ve been thinking too of Dr. King himself and what he would have thought of all of this.  Today is a day that makes me proud to be an American. It’s one of those signature days.  I’m grateful to be an American and a veteran of the United States Navy. I salute my countrymen, our President and Vice-President Elect, their families and the millions of soldiers, sailors, marines and coast guardsman who serve us. God bless America and may America bless God again.

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Many thoughts

I”ve been very busy in the last couple of weeks and haven’t really felt inspired to write here. I’m learning a lot more about Drupal, an open source content management system that I began using almost two years ago. The learning curve is fairly steep with Drupal, but now I’m beginning to get it as I’ve built a half dozen or so Drupal powered sites.  I’ve enjoyed this time of learning and I’m looking forward to a new business venture with my son. It was his idea and perhaps I’ll write more about it in the days and weeks to come.

A good friend died in the last week. He had been sick for a long time. Frank Geaben was one helluva man. He touched my life in so many ways and had keen insight that he often shared with me. It troubled me that I was not able to see Frank in his final days as he really didn’t want any visitors. I will never forget the impact he had on  my life.

I’m troubled too by the situation in Gaza. It’s yet one more example of the utter failure of the war on terror. War only begets war and whatever Israel hopes to gain by attacking Hamas in Gaza will result in no gain. More terrorists will be created. If only Israel would follow the wisdom of its great prophets, much of this could have been averted. Their zeal has blinded them to the truth.  My sister visited that area a couple of years ago with a group of American nuns. She returned with stories of how the Palestinians that she saw were treated like dogs.  My sister is not a politician nor an activist. She was with the nuns on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

I’m also happy that our children have been home for the holidays recently. It’s nice to hear their voices around the home. Tomorrow they’ll be heading for their respective homes and getting ready for the work week. Our daughter, Dara, will be off to student teaching and her last semester as an undergraduate at SUNY Fredonia. I’m very proud of her efforts. She finished last semester with a 4.0 GPA and completed 21 credit hours. She’ll graduate in May with a 3.97 GPA.  I told her I was going to paint that on the roof of our home.

Our son, Devin will be returning to the Rochester, New York area and his work. He’s survived in a very tough economic climate as a salesman for a radio station.  I’m praying that our business venture can help him this year.  Tomorrow will be bittersweet as we bid them goodbye. They’ve both grown to be fine young adults.

I hope to get to Mass at Mt. Irenaeus in the morning and then a trip to Abbey of the Genesee later. I’m running out of Monks Brownies. Thank God for the Friars and the Monks.

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Diane

This lovely picture of the lovely woman with whom I share this life is one of my keepsakes. I took it on Christmas morning in our home. Diane was looking up at our son Devin. The look in her eye and the smile on her face are very telling. I have no words that can adequately describe how much I love her. I hope you and your families have enjoyed the holidays.

Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved,
ah, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves!
Ah, you are beautiful, my lover-
yes, you are lovely.–Song of Songs, Chapter 1
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Gratefulness

Today is my birthday and I’m fortunate to have so many friends with whom to celebrate. Birthdays are events for looking forward and sometimes looking back. Today I did a little of each as I wondered how much longer I get to hang around here. Fifty-six is only four years from sixty and that used to seem old. Now that it’s right around the corner it’s different. My brother Mark called at 7:30 this morning to wish me well. He was in Charleston, South Carolina and it was a warm 32 F compared to our 8 F here in Franklinville. Mark always calls and this year we chatted for longer than usual. I asked about my nephew Tom who is serving in the U.S. Navy Ceremonial Guard in Washington, DC. Mark said he was doing well and had even served at the White House already.

I spend most of my day in an elementary school where my office is and so each morning I’m greeted by a sea of young faces many of whom know me by name. Sometimes I stop to visit, other times they need help opening a locker or picking up something they’ve dropped. I’ve been greeting young people in this building for just a few months shy of thirty years.  These children are the flowers of my life. They pick me up on days that I’m down.  This morning I greeted a kindergarten class that was passing near my office. I asked them to wait so I could bring a special friend to greet them. I quickly retrieved a life-size Teddy bear from my office and held him so the children could touch the bear. They were delighted that I brought the bear out. Most of the children took time to hug the bear and when I saw them later in the hall they mentioned the bear again.

I usually eat alone in my office but today my wife came and made sure that I’d come to the faculty room at 11:30 AM for a special lunch. When I entered the room all present began to sing Happy Birthday. It was a nice surprise and I was very touched. We all shared some birthday cake and a few stories.  I’m grateful for my wife, my life and the students of Franklinville Elementary School who have been so much a part of my life since March of 1979.

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Homecoming

It’s 5:30AM and Devin is leaving home after being here for five days. It’s been his longest visit home in three years, but as I watch him go I think of how blessed we are to have him. How many other parents have lost sons and daughters in the war or how many parents never have any children at all. Still parting is always sweet sorrow. He’s a young man now and no longer under our roof. Our daughter’s been home too though she’s with us more often, at least for now. She’s in her senior year of college and I know that soon she too will be out from under our wing.

We’ve had a full house these last five days as both our children have been home along with their friends.  Most of the time its much quieter at the Crestview cloister as I call it. We’ve been empty nesters for almost four years now and though we enjoy the freedom that brings we still long for those times when we were all together. Life is fleeting and it seems that children are too.

Devin left home this morning to drive to Rochester to attend a Buffalo Bills game with friends. He’s been an ardent Bills fan since he was a little boy. I watch the games sometimes,  but only once in my life have I ever attended a game at the stadium. This morning it’s 18 degrees Fahrenheit and although Devin assured me it would be 40 at game-time that just seems too cold to me.

We pray for Devin as he makes his way home to the Rochester area and we remember the good times of the past week. Today Diane and Dara will decorate our newly cut Douglas fir Christmas tree and then Dara will leave too and then our home will be still again.

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Mom’s birthday


Last night we celebrated my Mom’s 82nd birthday with a trip to Red Lobster in Blasdell, New York. Mom’s seen a lot of life in 82 years. Born to two working parents in the pre-depression years. Her mother was a court stenographer for the City of New York and her dad was a bailiff in the city court system. She was born Helen Hand. My grandfather died suddenly of pneumonia when she was four and her mother struggled to provide for Mom and my uncle. In the days before social welfare insurance my Aunt Mae and her husband Bill took them in. That environment was very formative for Mom. Mae and her sister Helen were Irish Catholics, Bill was a Lutheran and in that environment my mother grew to accept folks of other religious denominations without question. Bill and my grandmother worked everyday and Aunt Mae took care of the childcare. Mom went to Catholic grammar school and high school and graduated with high honors. She won a scholarship to attend D’Youville College in Buffalo, New York. In the fall of 1944 she boarded a train bound for Buffalo from Grand Central Station in New York. Buffalo was eight hours away and must have seemed like a frontier town compared to New York. Going summers she finished in three years and graduated Magna Cum Laude majoring in Mathematics. In 1947 she was admitted to the masters degree program in Mathematics at Fordham University and in 1948, my mother earned a Masters degree.

She returned to D’Youville College to teach and it was while teaching there that she met my father who was attending Dental School at the University of Buffalo. They were married in 1951 and I came along a little over a year later. Mom had four children, my brother Mark, my sister Kathy and my sister Mary. Mary died in infancy. Mom put her teaching career aside and worked with my father in the dental office for almost twenty years. She returned to classroom in 1970 as my father’s health began to fail and in 1973 after my father died Mom became a full time teacher earning $8500 year. With that money she purchased a home, established credit and provided for all of us and our friends. She taught high school mathematics for twenty years.  Life was always tough on Mom but through it all she found a way to be positive. She grew up in a Catholic Church that wouldn’t even allow women on the altar and now she administers communion to the sick and infirm. In 1980 she married Jim Luscher and we now have a huge extended family. He became more than a father to us and she became a mother to his children.  Jim died in 1994 of complications of congestive heart failure. I know that was very tough on her, but she’s still going strong fourteen years later. She’s active in church, going to daily mass, distributing communion to the sick and driving friends to doctor visits and the hospital. Mom has email and a cell phone now. It’s difficult for her with her arthritic hands, but she does well in spite of it all.

She has been a model to us all and a tower of strength. I call it the Zen of Helen. Happy Birthday Mom!

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Twenty-one years

Today is our daughter’s 21st birthday. Wow! Where did the last twenty-one years go? She came into our lives twenty-one years ago and at least in my case completely revised all of my assumptions about girls and women. She has gone from being cute to beautiful. She has her mother’s charm and beauty and my candor. She likes Marvin Gaye, the Temptations, Bob Dylan and the Beatles. She’s owns a VW Beetle now. Those are all things I did at one time or another. Just last week I told her the only thing left is to join the Navy. I don’t think she’lll be doing that anytime soon. She leaves our home again soon, this time for a year long student teaching assignment. She taught me and later her mother how to send text messages and now that’s one of the ways our family stays together.   My daughter has given me insights into the feminine mystique and in ways a father can understand. She’s been God’s gift to us and we are more than grateful. Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you!

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Birthday

Yesterday afternoon we drove to Rochester, New York to meet our son for dinner. Devin had turned 24,  April 4th but his work precluded our getting together that day.  Where have the last twenty-four years gone? All parents probably ask questions like that. We arrived at his apartment which is on the east side of the city near the science museum.  It was such a lovely day that we took a brief walk with him as we awaited the arrival of his girlfriend.

As we walked we noticed crocuses, robins, gray squirrels and a particularly cute black and white dog. We strolled along this lovely section of the city and enjoyed it along with the other folks who seemed to be out enjoying this lovely harbinger of warm weather.   After our walk we all climbed into our PT Cruiser and headed for Pittsford Plaza and Plum Garden.  Plum Garden was Devin’s choice for his birthday dinner. The four of us arrived and were seated after a brief wait. It’s been awhile since I ate in a Japanese restaurant. Our dinner was prepared before us and  it was a real delight. The food was excellent and I’d recommend Plum Garden to anyone visiting Rochester or Pittsford.

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St. Patrick’s Day

Today’s St. Patrick’s Day and true to form I went to work sporting green trousers, a green sweater and a white bow-tie with shamrocks on it. My Mom is as Irish as McGinty’s goat and she raised us to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. I often reflect on my heritage and a good part of it came from the Emerald Isle to America. Mom’s family, comprised of Hand’s and Crowley’s came from southern Ireland. Irish and Catholic to the bone. One of my great-aunts thought that Christ himself was Irish. She was shocked to learn that he was actually Jewish. One of the ancestors is on his way to sainthood. One of the great aunts worked for the Queen of England. Mom told me we’re related to Mary Queen of Scots. These are just some of the stories I got from Mom and Grandma. Continue reading “St. Patrick’s Day”