Thoughts on the world of open source
That’s the ballgame, folks. Joe Biden’s projected win in Pennsylvania puts him over 270 electoral votes. There are still potential state wins on the table, but he does not need them.
…
— Read on m.dailykos.com/stories/2020/11/7/1990093/-Joe-Biden-wins-Pennsylvania-and-with-it-the-presidency
A couple of years ago while I was visiting Assisi the leader of our pilgrimage invited us to pray a special prayer request in the Basillica of St. Clare in front of the cross of San Damiano. This is the same cross at Saint Francis was praying in front of when he heard the voice of Jesus asking him to rebuild the church.
On that morning in May 2018 I asked for a child for our son and our daughter in law. A month later I learned that they were expecting. We waited anxiously for the arrival of our third grandson. Those hopes were dashed in December 2018 when Theo Joseph died in utero. Everyone was devastated and I thought my prayer had been in vain.
In January of this year we learned that they were once again expecting a child. We learned at this time it would be a little girl.We prayed every day and sometimes twice a day. we waited in anxious anticipation.
This morning at 5:47 AM on the Feast of Saint Clare of Assisi, Fiona Katherine Watkins was born. She’s a healthy and beautiful baby. Is that a coincidence or an answer to prayer? I choose to believe the latter. Deo Gratias!
I was listening to a Super Soul podcast with Oprah Winfrey interviewing Eckhert Tolle and as they were talking about the present moment I had a helpful insight. In the midst of all this stress and daily projection and worry I haven’t been living in the present moment. Sometimes words are just words until they come to have meaning in my life. Today was one of those days when the present moment became more than two words. A chap once said to me, “if you were to ask God what time it is what do you think he would say.” I said, “I don’t know.” My friend said, “he’d say it was now.” Many years later the thought of the conversation returned and I came to appreciate the power of now.
The past and future are imaginary. The only thing that matters is now. All we have is now. Right now I’m okay. Earlier today I had a chance to visit one of my favorite quiet spots in nearby Ellicottville. I visited Nannen Arboretum. It’s a very contemplative setting. It was a beautiful day.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: – Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything. There is a time for winter and there is a time for spring. Today the temperature reached over 60°F where I live and the sun shone brightly. Despite the bad news that surrounds us there is good news and there is new growth. The trees are budding and flowers are beginning to emerge from the earth. Children were riding their bicycles and sometimes the distance didn’t seem appropriate. Nonetheless I kept my distance and walked along. As I walked I prayed and tried to focus the energy of my prayers toward our planet and the people on it.
One of the blessings of today was to find a lovely crocus blooming along the trail that I walk. Crocuses come in many colors but my favorite is purple. There along the trail this morning was this lovely crocus inviting me to take its picture.
As this global pandemic appears to threaten us all it is easy to lose hope. At least it is for me. Anxiety and depression can take their toll too. Because of where we live I’ve been able to walk outside quite a bit and that has helped. Most people are keeping themselves socially distant. That’s good for everyone but sometimes social distance has become emotional distance. On Tuesday morning when I was beginning to despair I received a text message from a friend who volunteered to take my place in the local food pantry. She reasoned that being younger she’d be less susceptible to the virus. This moved me to realize that despite the angry rhetoric of some folks there are really wonderful people who think of others before themselves. It reminded me of a quote I recently saw on social media.
“Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
– Fred Rogers
Even though you may be shut in or locked down you can help with an encouraging word or a smile. You can send an email or write a letter to someone you know. One of the ways I’ve been helping is using the Gratefulness website to send an e-card to someone you know . I’ve been prayer walking and practicing yoga too. I believe that positive energy can make a difference in the world. There are many ways to help. You’ll be sure to find the one that works for you.
As I walked today I recited the Serenity Prayer. It’s a prayer that I’ve used for many years. Most people know the shorter version of the prayer but I have found the long version to be very comforting. I half-dozen years ago following serious bout with depression my spiritual advisor shared the long version with me.
God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time.
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would like it.
Trusting that he will make all things right,
If I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this world
And supremely happy in the next.
Reinhold Niebuhr, Theologian
Reading Joan Chittister the last few days has been a tonic for my weary soul. She never disappoints and this book is exactly what I needed to read now. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself and I never wear it well. Bad things happen to good people. We all know that but nobody wants to live it. Tonight as I’m finishing another day I read the following quote. It’s so appropriate.
“By learning to bear hard things well, we secure the future of the human race as well as our own ability to survive. By being willing to put our personal power down in favor of someone else’s vision and experience, we pledge ourselves to benefit from the power and goodness of others. We save ourselves from our own limitations and follies, from our lack of maturity and experience. Most of all, we pledge ourselves to be open to the wisdom figures of life and so become wiser ourselves as we go. Without endurance we succumb silently to the demons of injustice. We dry up inside, shrivel in our hope, and belie the will of God for the world. On the other hand, a spirituality of endurance frees us from the rampages of destructive pride. It opens us to a community of wisdom figures, guides who, if we will only allow it, are there to lead us through the ravages of our time.”
— Radical Spirit: 12 Ways to Live a Free and Authentic Life by Joan Chittister
March 9, 1973 I put on my dress blues, boarded an Allegany Airlines jet in Buffalo and took a quick flight to Newark Airport. I had a seabag in one hand and my military orders in the other. Keeping my white hat on, toting a seabag and carrying those orders and my personnel file proved to be too much and in the process I left my file on a park a bench at the transit stop in Newark. When I got to the port authority terminal in New York City I realized I didn’t have my the envelope with my orders and files in it. I was frightened but did what I’d been told.
I contacted the port authority police who said, “leave your seabag here son, someone has turned in your orders to us in Newark Airport.” I made the trip back to Newark retrieved the orders and then back to Manhattan and the port authority near Penn Station. The next leg of my journey was to board a subway and get to the Brooklyn Naval Support Activity. I was a 20 year old kid on my own for the first time in New York City. The port authority police pointed me in the right direction. I got on the subway but wasn’t sure how to get Brooklyn and my stop. It was my good fortune to be on the same subway train as a young Hispanic girl who asked if she could help. I told her where I was going and she guided me to the correct stop. She told me to get off the train, go to the top of the stairs and turn right. If memory serves me correctly I was exactly across the street from the Naval Support Activity.
There isn’t a year goes by that I remember her and the kindness she extended helping this greenhorn Navy guy get to the right place.
With those words my prostate cancer surgeon released me from life with a catheter. I’m grateful that I’m no longer tethered. I was learning to get along with these extras. They provided the necessary bridge to health after the robotic prostatectomy. The doctor gave me an excellent pathology report too. Only twenty percent of my prostate had cancer cells. I’m not sure what all that means in the long term but I’m very grateful for now.
Yesterday I began the next phase of my journey to health post prostate. Following the cystogram and catheter removal I donned my maximum absorbency underwear. Now, I’m on the same page as grandson. I have a temporary continence problem. I began the prescribed Kegel exercises in earnest as my wife drove us home. Our first stop was lunch at Tim Horton’s. I opened the passenger side door and stepped out into the warm afternoon air and then ‘whoosh.’ Oops, I forgot for a split second that I don’t have bladder control. That was my first epiphany. I smiled and shared the discovery with my wife. I’m reminded of the Saturday Night Live skit ‘Oops I Crapped my Pants.’
Once we got home I went for a walk enjoying my new freedom. The days and weeks ahead will have their challenges as I do the Kegel exercises and retrain my bladder muscles. It’s great to be alive and enjoy the rest of summer.
My life has had a lot of ups and downs in the past year. I don’t want to recount them now. A few months ago I learned from expert medical attention that I have prostate cancer. Who isn’t afraid of a cancer diagnosis? But compared to the other tribulations that have occurred in my life in the past sixty-six years it was just one more thing.
Upon learning the diagnosis my wife and I began a series of office visits with different clinicians to determine the best possible course of action. I had three options. One was to do nothing for a year and see what happened. That didn’t seem reasonable. I thought that would be like sitting on a landmine hoping for the best. Another option was radiation and the third was surgical removal of the prostate.
Many relatives and friends stepped forward to share their experience. I’m grateful to all of them. My sister was perhaps the most persistent advocate for surgical removal. Her husband had prostate cancer twenty years ago and opted for surgery. In addition to them I had other friends who had relied on radiation therapy and were almost five years cancer free. I went back and forth and prayed on it along with my wife. After a thorough examination of all possibilities and counsel with my wife and the medical teams I decided to pursue the surgical route.
In the days and weeks leading up to my procedure I did a lot of thinking . I went on a pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi with a group of United States military veterans. I spent a lot of time in prayer there and in the quiet places I love closer to home. A few days before my surgery while attending an evening program at Mount Irenaeus an entire congregation prayed for me. A Franciscan priest told me he would offer his mass on the day of surgery for my intention. A former minister put me on his prayer list. Fellow prostate cancer survivors and their families reached out and slowly with their help and encouragement I moved forward. Faith is not the absence of fear. It is continuing to move forward in spite of that fear. Faith is walking through fear and trusting that things will work out.
The countdown ended the afternoon I arrived for my surgery. I was admitted to the hospital, prepped and put in one of those little hospital gowns we all know and love. I was surrounded by my family. My son left work early to be there along with my wife and daughter. The professional staff of the hospital got me ready and came an hour early to take me to the operating room. I remember the anesthetist putting something over my nose and then … I woke up hours later in my hospital room. While I was asleep a team of highly skilled doctors and nurses performed a robotic prostatectomy. I am grateful that such people surround me.
It’s now nine days hence and while I still have a catheter for the time being I am returning to health and wholeness. I have been surrounded by love and care. I have received phone calls, text messages and personal visits. My wife has been a private duty nurse who has had to modify our home to accommodate me. Each day is a new adventure. I have returned to writing again. Yesterday I was able to attend the weekly meeting of the Opensource.com moderators. Later I ventured out with a friend to a meeting twenty miles from home. I got a text message from the mother of one of my Python coding classes. She let me know that she and her son were keeping me in their thoughts and prayers. I am surrounded by love and at times it has been overwhelming. I am very grateful to everyone who has given something of themselves. This has been the good journey. In its own unique way it has been a pilgrimage which has led to some new understandings of life.