We are not going back!

Mom’s birthday is in a couple of days. Had she lived she’d be ninety-eight this year. Mom was born at Misericordia Hospital in Manhattan on November 6, 1926. She was born a mere six year after a woman’s right to vote was ratified in August of 1920. Mom’s father died on her fourth birthday and her family was taken in by a kindly aunt and uncle who gave my grandmother, Mom and her two year old brother a place to live. That was in the days before there were Social Security survivor benefits and if it hadn’t been for Uncle Bill and Aunt Mae I don’t know how Mom’s family would have survived.

They did survive however and Grandma, Mom, her brother, Uncle Bill, Aunt Mae and their two children who were born eventually lived in a walk up on 90th Street in Jackson Heights. Uncle Bill and Aunt Mae also took in a couple of cousins who’s father had a serious drinking problem and couldn’t or wouldn’t care for his two sons. Ten people in one apartment in Jackson Heights. The children all went to Catholic schools in the Queens and Manhattan. As Mom was nearing high school graduation Grandma told her the only way she could go to college was to earn a scholarship. My grandmother was a stenographer in the New York City court system.

Mom came home to Jackson Heights and applied for a teaching job but was turned down because she wasn’t a coach. Nowadays’s Mom would be able to sue for discrimination but in 1947 women had few rights. A Jesuit seminarian who lived upstairs in their apartment building encouraged Mom to apply for a Masters program in mathematics at Fordham University. She was accepted and worked her way through Fordham in one year enroute to a Masters degree in Mathematics. Surely she was employable now. Alas, she was no coach and she was once again denied employment on the basis of her sex. D’Youville College offered her a position as an instructor and Mom returned to Buffalo to teach for the Grey Nuns who were the folks who ran the college back then. Mom taught college mathematics for four years. During that time she met my Dad. They got married in 1951 and I was born the following year.

They had relocated for my father to complete an internship. When they returned to Western New York for my father to setup a dental practice Mom elected to work as his dental assistant and forego a teaching career. It’s doubtful that a married woman with an infant son and another on the way would have been hired to teach anywhere in the early 1950’s. Those rights were denied women into the early 1970’s. My father’s health declined in the early 1970’s and he eventually died. Even though Mom had been a cosigner on a home mortgage with my father she was denied credit in 1973 following his death to obtain housing for our family. Women couldn’t seek credit on their own until the following year in 1974.

Mom voted for Hillary Clinton eight years ago and I’m sure she would have cast a vote for Kamala Harris this time too. Mom knew well the trials and tribulations of women who were long treated as second class citizens in a country where all citizens are guaranteed life liberty and property by the fourteenth amendment to the Constitution. Women got the right to vote eighty-four years ago with the nineteenth amendment to the Constitution but we’ve never elected one president of the United States. Let’s hope that changes this year.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my Mom’s birthday. Born ninety years ago at a small hospital that no longer exists on the east side of Manhattan. Her Dad was an bailiff in the city courts and her Mom was a court stenographer. Helen was their first child. Yesterday as I sat in her room here in Tempe, AZ I looked a picture we had painted of the two of them holding her when she was two years old. I wondered what was going through their minds. Could they even imagine that their daughter would live another eighty-eight years?  What were their hopes and dreams for this little girl whom they cradled in their arms?

Mom’s been through a lot in all these years. She lost her father at four and went to live with her Aunt and Uncle along with her mother and a baby brother. They managed like that all the way through her high school years. Then she was off to college in far-away Buffalo, New York. There she completed a bachelors degree in three years while working in the D’Youville College library to supplement a full tuition scholarship she had earned. She graduated from college magna cum laude. Then she returned to New York City looking for employment as a teacher. She was denied any position because she was a woman. Then through the intercession of a neighbor whose son was a Jesuit priest she managed to enroll at Fordham University and get a graduate assistantship which allowed her to complete a Masters in Mathematics and Science. She returned to D’Youville and was hired to teach mathematics. While she was there she met my father who was enrolled at the University at Buffalo. They eventually were engaged and married and had three children. Dad died when he was forty-six and she managed to finish raising and providing for us by becoming a high school mathematics teacher. How she managed to keep us going on her spartan teaching salary was no mean achievement.

Eventually she re-married and our family size increased from 3 siblings to five brothers and three sisters. Our new Dad really pulled us together as a family and he and Mom had fourteen wonderful years together. During that time she retired from teaching and was able to spend a few years relaxing and traveling with Dad. Even after our Dad’s death in 1994 she continued to be active in our lives and her community. She visited the sick, drove friends to doctors appointment and hospital visits and became “Grandma” to twelve grandchildren and eventually a great-grandmother a couple of years ago. About eighteen months ago she came to live in a retirement community in Arizona. She’s still our Mom and now it’s our turn to hold her hand and help her in whatever ways we can. My sister and her husband have done a wonderful job of helping make Mom comfortable in her new surroundings. She’s really glad that we came to be with her on this special day. Earlier today we connected with my brother Mark and his family via FaceTime. Yesterday my Brother Brian and his wife Lillian came and we had a birthday lunch at a local restaurant. Later today we’ll be going to a special birthday dinner at my sister’s home.  We’re doing our best to celebrate Mom’s birthday and her wonderful life with us.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to my wife, my Mom, my mother-in-law who is in heaven and to all the moms and other people who have been moms to us. Happy Mothers Day to the Blessed Mother who continues to bless and protect us. St. Francis always spoke of Lady Poverty and I hope to embody that spirit within my heart as my wife and mother have with our family and with all they come in contact with. 

We are all mothers and brothers and sisters and fathers to each other. On this day however we honor the mothers in our midst who have stood with us long hours and held us in their arms when we needed that special touch that only mothers can give.