Tag: humor

Posted on

Beatitudes for Billionaires

1. Blessed are the wealth hoarders, for their yachts shall inherit the seas.

2. Blessed are they who exploit loopholes, for theirs is the kingdom of tax havens.

3. Blessed are the disruptors, for they shall break things and call it innovation.

4. Blessed are the monopolists, for they shall corner the markets and call it free enterprise.

5. Blessed are the philanthropists, for they shall name buildings after themselves.

6. Blessed are the visionaries, for they shall promise colonies on Mars while their workers toil on Earth.

7. Blessed are those who lay off thousands, for they shall be called stewards of shareholder value.

8. Blessed are the space tourists, for they shall ascend to the heavens in rockets built by underpaid engineers.

9. Blessed are the influencers of democracy, for their PACs shall comfort them with favorable legislation.

10. Blessed are the climate-conscious jet owners, for they shall plant trees to offset their carbon footprints.

11. Blessed are the disruptors of housing markets, for they shall rent out the Earth.

12. Blessed are the CEOs who raise their own salaries, for they shall reap their rewards a hundredfold.

13. Blessed are those who automate jobs, for they shall inherit both profits and hashtags.

14. Blessed are they who lobby for deregulation, for they shall be called the architects of freedom.

15. Blessed are the builders of megamansions, for they shall be filled with empty rooms and echoing halls.

Satirical Beatitudes for Billionaires, written in collaboration with ChatGPT, December 2024.

Posted on

Educators to Follow on Mastodon for Innovative Teaching Insights

I have been using Mastodon for almost six years. I continue to be amazed at the quality of discourse and the diverse community of educators and folks interested in education in the Fediverse. If you are a person who is accustomed to algorithm driven centralized social networks then Mastodon is going to seem a bit unusual at first. If you are WordPress user you can connect your blog to Mastodon with the ActivityPub plugin. You don’t need a blog to connect to Mastodon. You just need to create an account on anyone of dozens of Mastodon instances that exist around the world. One you are connected to an instance you can find other users and connect to them whether they are on your particular server instance or not.

Mastodon communications are driven by hashtags which many of you are already familiar with. Some of my favorites are #edtech

A toot on Mastodon is typically five hundred characters long. Like other microblogging platforms you may have used before brevity is prized but there’s more than enough space to get your information across and then you use hashtags to let your audience know what your toot is about.

Here’s a list of twenty-one educators currently using Mastodon.

Eric Sheninger – @esheninger@mastodon.social
Sandy Kendell – @SandyKendell@mastodon.education
Wesley Fryer – @wfryer@mastodon.cloud
Martin Dougiamas – @martin@openedtech.social
Alice Barr – @alicebarr@techhub.social
Miguel Guhlin – @mguhlin@mastodon.education
EdTech Group – @edtech@chirp.social
Clint LaLonde – @clintlalonde@mastodon.oeru.org
Doug Holton – https://mastodon.social/@dougholton
Anna Millis – @amills@mastodon.oeru.org
Open at Virginia Tech – @openatvt@fosstodon.org
SPARC – @sparc@mastodon.social
Project Gutenberg – @gutenberg_org@mastodon.social
Smithsonian Magazine – @Smithsonianmag@flipboard.com
Steven Beschloss – @StevenBeschloss@mastodon.social
Bill Fitzgerald = @funnymonkey@freeradical.zone
WikiEducation – @WikiEducation@wikis.world
CreativeCommons – @creativecommons@mastodon.social
Edutopia – @edutopia@mastodon.education
Cognitively Accessible Math – @geonz@mathstodon.xyz
NPR – @npr@mastodon.social
Open Source Science – @os-sci@mastodon.social

In conclusion, Mastodon offers a refreshing alternative to traditional, algorithm-driven social networks. Its decentralized nature and vibrant community provide an enriching environment for educators and those passionate about education. Whether you’re sharing your thoughts, discovering new ideas through hashtags, or connecting your WordPress blog with the ActivityPub plugin, Mastodon opens up a world of possibilities. Embrace the change and dive into meaningful conversations on this unique platform. Happy tooting!

Posted on

Rodent Flatulence Causing Power Outages in Small Towns

Residents of a small town in the Midwest are baffled by recent power outages. The outages are happening at random, and there is no apparent cause.
However, one theory has gained traction among the townsfolk: rodent flatulence.
It turns out that rodents produce a gas called methane, which is flammable. When this gas builds up in electrical equipment, it can cause a spark, leading to a power outage.
This theory is supported by the fact that the outages happen more often in the summer when rodents are more active. Additionally, the outages often happen at night, when rodents are most likely awake and producing gas.
Of course, there is no scientific evidence to support this theory. But that hasn’t stopped the townsfolk from believing it.
Some residents have taken to calling the outages “the methane menace.” Others have started wearing gas masks when they go to bed, just in case.
The power company has been unable to find a definitive cause for the outages. But until they do, the townsfolk will continue to blame the rodents.
In the meantime, the methane menace is keeping everyone on their toes. People are constantly checking their flashlights and making sure their batteries are charged. And they’re all keeping an eye out for any suspicious-looking rodents.
Who knows? Maybe one day, the townsfolk will catch the culprit red-handed, releasing a silent but deadly fart that causes the power to go out. Until then, they’ll just have to live with the uncertainty.
But one thing is certain: this story will be told for years.

Satire created with an assist from Google Bard

Posted on

Thoughts on the truth

Anne Lamott is one of my favorite authors. There is so much that I can identify with in her writing. I came across this TED talk today on the Twitter feed of Nadia Bolz-Weber. Her concept of God is close to my own. You might enjoy this talk too.

Posted on

Bubba

This teddy bear has been part of the family for almost fifteen years now. Originally purchased as a Christmas gift for Dara when she was in elementary school.   Dara named him Bubba. About five years ago when we moved to our present home he was excessed and I took him to school and donated him to the Kindergarten classes. He was home there for a few years until I discovered him in the throw-away pile a couple of years ago. I rescued him and put him in my office on the top shelf where he lived for the next almost two years until one of my co-workers suggested I put him in the car as he’d make my vehicle eligible for the HOV lane. That humorous suggestion landed him in the car for the last two months. This weekend my son suggested he needed a bath and so today Bubba got a Lysol bath and he’s soaking up the sun in an effort to make him even more loveable.

Once he’s ready I’ll put him back in the car where I’ve enjoyed having him as he brings an occasional smile to the faces of folks who see him on the highways of our area. I don’t know what there is about teddy bears, but I’ve loved them all my life. I have a collection at the house and I even have a footstool that looks like a bear cub. Some wags have suggested that I’ve been riding around with a bear behind.

Posted on

Peanut butter and jelly

John McCain is losing and now he’s pulling out all the stops. He’s accusing Obama of being a communist and recently I’ve seen that some of the right wing talk show hosts are insisting that Obama is a marxist.  This short video clip of Barack is quite funny and I’m looking forward to having an intelligent, thoughtful and humorous person at the helm of our government.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMfeypnAz6k]

I ought to mention that I eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches everyday for my lunch on Monks Bread.  Unlike Senator Obama I rarely share them. They have been my lunch time staple for years dating all the way back to my days at St. Pius X School in Delevan, New York.

Posted on

Deregulation?

Just today I read that John McCain wants to de-regulate health care. Mr. McCain believes that the way the market functions best is when government leaves its hands off. In an ideal society where everyone really is honest with everyone else and real market forces are at play. It won’t work here and it can’t because the playing field isn’t level. I think we ought to deregulate prisons. Let’s get rid of the guards and let the prisoners come and go as they might. I’m sure they’ll all return to their cells everyday because they know that’s what’s expected of them. Let’s not stop there. Let’s deregulate roadways. No more speed limits. We’ll just let entropy take over. If we get rid of stoplights and other traffic devices like speed limits the roads will come to govern themselves. Intersections will become filled with enough debris so that traffic will have to slow down to get around it. I think we ought to de-regulate firearms laws. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to own your own howitzer or RPG. It’d be handy during deer season. You could get half a herd with one shot.  What planet is McCain on? Deregulation has destroyed our airlines. It has destroyed Wall Street and Main Street too. One good thing about de-regulation is there would be no need for lawmakers and we could send Congress home. That would save a lot of money.

Posted on

Relief from weasels

We are in another election year. It’s a cycle that lasts longer than “road construction” it seems. Each year the hookah gets deeper and deeper. Politicians have always been full of it, but with 24×7 spin doctors on all the cable outlets it’s become near impossible to get a story without an interpretation. What passes for journalism is often spin. Then too we’re surrounded by a culture where the truth is often obfuscated by fancy words. Don’t you yearn for straight talk. Take a look at Weaselwords for some relief and maybe a laugh.

Posted on

Presidential qualities

Wes Clark is an American hero and so is John McCain. Wes Clark served in Vietnam and so did John. George Bush did not serve in Vietnam and may not have fulfilled his commitment to the Alabama National Guard. Dick Cheney got five deferments in the middle of the Vietnam War. Ulysses Simpson Grant was the only United States general who could consistently kick Robert E. Lee’s butt during the American Civil War and he was also one of the worst presidents of the United States.  George Washington and Thomas Jefferson both owned African slaves. Washington is often considered the father of our country and Jefferson penned the Declaration of Independence. Neither was a saint.  They were average people. Our president today is an average guy who really didn’t qualify to be president based on his resume. He has been president for nearly eight years now and regardless of how you feel about the guy and the job he’s done you cannot diminish his place in the pantheon of  presidents.

I’ve mentioned before that David Rees tickles my “funny bone” and his column in yesterday’s Huffington Post was very amusing to me. He’s put the whole presidential qualification scrap in a very humorous wrapper.

Riding on a rollercoaster and flying out of your seat but then landing on a waterslide and sliding down to into the water and almost drowning but then being rescued by an Elvis impersonator: QUALIFIES YOU TO BE SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR.–David Rees.

Read more here.